Study:  The Colossians Epistle

The Supremacy of Jesus Christ in our Relationships

Colossians 3:18-4:1
September 11, 2005

Colossians 3:18-4:1 (NKJV): 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. 4 Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Introduction

Several weeks ago, we studied Paul's instruction to put off the old man and all of his vices. "Put to death" all remnants of sin in your fleshly members (viz., fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, covetousness, anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech and lying).

Then, in place of the old man, put on the new man and all of his virtues (viz., tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance, forgiveness, love, peace, worship and thankfulness).

In short, Paul was commanding believers to let their practical daily living match their absolute completeness in Christ (i.e., let your daily practice match your eternal position).

This week, we will see Paul continue to elaborate upon his command to live a life worthy of our Lord. More specifically, let the supremacy of Jesus Christ reign in your relationships with others. This is no small matter! Many times, this is how the watching world of lost sinners gauges the authenticity of our faith! For example, if we are obedient and faithful in our relationships with others, our Lord is magnified and exalted. If we are not, He is not.

Put even simpler, our relationships with others, like nothing else, should exemplify the supremacy of Jesus Christ in our lives! Example? John 13:35 (NKJV): By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

MacArthur- "Christianity is not the religion of monks and hermits. Believers are not called to withdraw from society, but to influence it for Christ- particularly through their relationships."

Note- One can literally spend weeks, if not months, exhausting the subject matters we will study this morning. But, there is a risk of doing so. Namely, getting so bogged down with details, that one loses sight of the day-to-day, practical application of Paul's instruction. Even further, our sinful deficiencies do not stem from a lack of knowledge and/or understanding! We do not need more word studies! We do not need a better understanding of the Greek language, grammar and/or linguistics! Instead, our problem is that we do not live up to the knowledge we already have! So this morning, we will take a higher-level, hands-on, practical approach to these verses.

1. The Supremacy of Jesus Christ in the Husband/Wife Relationship

Colossians 3:18-19 (NKJV): 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

A. Paul's Command to Wives

Paul commands, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Again, the meaning of this command is not unclear, complicated or hidden. Instead, the meaning is straightforward. It is not a popular, politically-correct command; but it is a straightforward one.

We should note from the very beginning that this command has absolutely nothing to do with women being inferior to men: Galatians 3:27-28 (NKJV): 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Note- Again, it has nothing to do with men being superior to women; or husbands being more virtuous than their wives).

Instead, it has absolutely everything to do with God's sovereign design of authority and submission in the home: 1 Corinthians 11:3 (NKJV): But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Timothy 2:11-13 (NKJV): Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. (Note- It all goes back to God's sovereign design in Creation in Genesis 2 which obviously was well before the Fall.)

So what does it mean for a wife to, "submit to her own husband?" First, as the text clearly states, the wife is to submit to her own husband; not all men in general.

Second, the meaning of "submission." First, what it is not. The submission Paul speaks of here is not one of lifeless, menial bondage. Then what is it? Biblical submission entails a voluntary willing subjection of oneself to another person in authority (i.e., putting oneself under not by compulsion, but willingly).

How are wives to submit? "As is fitting in the Lord." This expresses an obligation, a necessary duty in accordance with how God designed and commands the family to operate. We see it in:

Ephesians 5:22-24 (NKJV): 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. (MacArthur regarding "As to the Lord"- "Because the obedient, spiritual wife's submission is to the Lord, her attitude is that she lovingly submits as an act of obedience to the Lord who has given this command as His will for her, regardless of her husband's personal worthiness or spiritual condition.")

Are there any qualifications? Yes! Namely, wives must not submit if it would necessitate sin! We see this principle in Acts 5:29 (NKJV): 29 But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men.

Application- Wives, graciously submit unto your husbands with your eyes, and hearts, steadfastly focused on your Lord Jesus Christ! To please your Lord! To magnify your Lord!

B. Paul's Command to Husbands

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." Again, the command is a simple one! No word studies needed here! Instead, we simply and clearly see a positive side and a negative side of the same coin.

First, the positive: Love your wife; willingly and continually! Not just as a wife, but as your sister in Jesus Christ. It is that self-sacrificing love as demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ on the Cross (i.e., sacrifice self to benefit, care for and serve your wife). What does this love look like? Again, we see it with Christ on the Cross:

Ephesians 5:25-33 (NKJV): 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (MacArthur- "in spite of the failings of the church, Christ has continually loved her with grace and forgiving mercy and thus has never become bitter because of the church's many sins.")

Within this atmosphere of love, the wife is protected and secure because a husband who truly loves his wife would never force her to submit to something sinful, humiliating, degrading, or which violates her conscience. The Godly husband loves his wife like Christ loves His Church!

Next, the negative side of the coin (i.e., "do not be bitter toward your wife"). Could be translated, "Do not be in the habit of being bitter." Do not be in the habit of displaying harshness of temper toward your wife. Do not be in the habit of displaying resentment toward your wife. Do not be in the habit of irritating your wife; or frustrating her. Instead, provide loving leadership to her. Again, we do not need Greek lexicons to understand this!

Application

A. Husbands, if your wife has a difficult time submitting unto your leadership within the home, could it be because you are failing to love her as Jesus Christ loves His Church?

B. Do you exercise your authority in an authoritative, overbearing, and/or bitter manner?

C. Do you sincerely, earnestly, continually and in a detailed manner pray for your wife?

D. Are you doing all you can to spend quality time with your wife?
E. Do you carefully listen to your wife? Do you give her your undivided attention? Or does she get your leftovers?

F. Are you willing to sacrifice your entire self, your very life, for your precious wife?

G. When I ask if you love your wife, I am not asking if you buy her stuff; instead I am asking if you love your wife as Jesus Christ loves His Church!

When both husband and wife are obedient to these commands, the result is a beautiful, peaceful, enjoyable home which honors and glorifies our Lord Jesus Christ! In contrast, when one, or both, do not obey these commands, it is chaos and a disgraceful reproach on the name of our Lord. Show me a home ruled by the wife, and I will show you a home of chaos! Likewise, show me a home where the husband does not fulfill his responsibility and I will show you a home of chaos!! And why should we expect anything different when we violate God's sovereign design in the home?

2. The Supremacy of Jesus Christ in the Parent/Child Relationship

Colossians 3:20-21 (NKJV): 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

A. Paul's Command to Children

"Children, obey your parents in all things." What does this mean? Children are to do as commanded by their parents in all things, all the time. Not just external compliance; but with an internal obedience within the heart. Why? Because, "this is well pleasing to the Lord." In other words, because it is commendable before God Himself. Once again, the command, and the reasoning underlying the command, is simple. You do not need to know Greek grammar to understand this command.

Children- A general term for children which is not limited to a specific age group. It refers to any child still living in the home and under parental guidance of any kind.

Are there any qualifications? Yes! Just as with a wife's submission unto her husband, there is the qualification of Acts 5:29 (i.e., children are not to obey their parents if it would clearly entail sin against our Lord). As such parents, never ask your children to sin for any reason whatsoever!

B. Paul's Command to Parents

"Fathers, do not provoke your children,.." Provoke- To stir up, irritate or frustrate a child with nagging, derision or putting them down in any way. How do we provoke our children? Source: (Hughes/MacArthur)

A. Excessive irritability or grouchiness. Hughes- "Most people maintain a placid veneer at work because they have to do so. But at home only the Lord knows how many children lose heart because their fathers have hard days."

B. With overly harsh and strict rules. Hughes- "The zealous Christian parent can be tempted to say "no" to virtually everything his child asks. Rather, the parent should be looking for opportunities to say "yes" to as many things as he or she can conceivably say "yes" to. Our reasons for saying "no" must be valid; such as safety, morality or health. Overstrictness sometimes clothes a lazy approach to raising children." Friends, if you just focus on the clear, black-and-white commands of Scripture, there are more than enough battles to fight why pick another if not need be???

C. Capricious inconsistency. Instead, parents must be consistent.

D. Not spending enough quality time with your children. Hughes- "Few things could be more disheartening and resentment-building than to have you life directed, as it were, from a shadowy figure from Mount Olympus who leaves before you go to school, returns after dinner, and hands down edicts of conduct after church at Sunday dinner." Friends, there is simply no substitute for spending quality time with your children.

E. Overprotection. Not allowing any liberty; strict rules about everything; not trusting them.

F. Favoritism. Comparing your children to siblings or other children.

G. Scorn, ridicule, criticism and/or disrespect. Unnecessarily depreciating your children's worth.

H. Setting unrealistic goals. No rewards. No recognition of success or accomplishment. Nothing is ever good enough

I. Failing to show affection. Parents need to communicate love verbally and physically.

J. Not providing for their needs. Privacy, a place to play, clean clothes, one's own possessions.

K. A lack of standards; a failure to discipline.

L. Excessive discipline. Not just physically, but verbally and emotionally. Parents often say things to their children that they would never say to anybody else.

Why shouldn't parents provoke their children? "lest they become discouraged." As the NASB puts it, they will, "lose heart." It means to be without courage or spirit; listless, sullen, discouraged or even despairing. What does this look like????? Hughes gives us a very good picture of it:

Hughes- "During much of my college years, I worked for a store which had a large part of the trade of the rodeo cowboys in southern California. I learned there are at least two ways to break a horse. One is with the progressive use of a halter, bit, blanket and saddle. Done correctly, this can produce a full-spirited, obedient horse. Another way is sometimes used with especially difficult horses. The method is simple. The wrangler simply takes a 2X4 and knocks the recalcitrant (unruly) horse to its knees. A horse, it is said, can be tamed this way, but with great cost. You will have a spiritless animal, an animal that though "obedient" will never be what it could have been. There are children like this. Their spirits have been broken, they are "obedient," but something is missing. They have, to use Paul's words in verse 21, "lost heart." They withdraw and keep it all inside. Or they rebel when they get big enough. The results are painful either wayParents, discipline is to be given, but so is encouragement. Obedience is to be nurtured by love and praise. We must never cause our children to lose heart."

Application

A. Parents, are you patiently training your children in the ways of our Lord? Or are you using the 2X4 method which kills their heart? Are your children, lifeless, mechanical, but "obedient," robots??????

B. Are you being overly strict, never looking for ways to say "yes?

C. Do you excessively nag, irritate and deride your children?

D. Are you raising your children in legalistic bondage (i.e., focusing on external compliance to man-made rules as opposed to an internal obedience unto our Lord)?

3. The Supremacy of Jesus Christ in the Employer/Employee Relationship

Colossians 3:22-4:1 (NKJV): 22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. 4 Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

A. Paul's Command to Servants/Employees

"Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,"

How are we, as Christians, to work in the workplace? By obeying our masters/employers! How do we do so? As with a wife's submission unto her husband, we do it unto our Lord! Not to please man! But to please our Lord! With a heart of sincerity, fearing God (i.e., with all your heart; holding God and His will in high regard with pure motives).

This is a tough calling! For there is no distinction between pleasant or unpleasant duties. No exceptions for mundane, trivial, menial tasks. Instead, everything must be done energetically from the heart (i.e., putting our whole inner man into our work efforts)! Whether the boss is in the office or not!

Why should servants/employees "obey their masters/employers, not with eyeservice, but with a heart fearing God?" Because, "knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality."

In other words, because our work efforts will be judged by our Lord, and without partiality! You will have reward for your faithfulness. Or, you will be repaid for your wrong. While under the ultimate forgiveness of our Lord, we will have our works, including our work, judged.

Hughes- "Some of us work "nothing" jobs. Some shuffle meaningless mounds of paper. Some dig holes and fill them up. Some can see nothing in the tasks they perform. They are nevertheless serving God as they work. This truth transformed the lot of the Christian slave in the ancient world. His "nothing" tasks were actually noble when done for Christ... The pagan slave served his master because he was bound by fear; the Christian slave served his master better because he feared God. Working hard at our tasks from the heart brings glory to God."

A Few Notes Here

1) Do not assume that if you try to live up to this command, that all will go well on the job;

2) This is not a call to overwork or workaholism;

3) Christians ought to be the best workers. Many times, we are not! Don't stand around talking God/Scripture/Doctrine/Theology during work hours! Evangelize on your own time.

4) Christians ought to be the best in attitude, the best in dependability, and the best in integrity. All of us who are employed must be faithful, hard workers or we are sinning;

5) We must realize that there is intrinsic nobility in work offered to God. (Hughes).

All said, employers ought to be begging to fill job vacancies with Christians because of our work ethic!

B. Paul's Command to Master/Employers

"Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven."

We see the same theme, just inverted. Masters/employers, be faithful to your servants/employees. Why? Because you will be judged by your Master in Heaven!

Hughes- "Employers, if you truly realize that you must answer to God for the way you conduct yourself with your employees, you will care about what happens to them. You will be concerned that they are paid properly. You will be concerned about their illnesses, their spouses, their children, and their education. Along with this, you may have more problems. In fact, this kind of caring attitude assures that you will. But you will also have the fullness of Christ."

Application

" Employers and employees, are you glorifying your Lord in the workplace?

Conclusion

The all-encompassing application is simple: Are you exemplifying, exalting and magnifying your Lord Jesus Christ in all of your relationships?

We will never live up to these standards!! We cannot live up to God's perfect, holy, standards! So..thank God for his infinite mercy, grace and unconditional love for us despite all our weakness, sinful deficiencies and blatant wrongdoing!!

Teacher: Darin Lawson